Stillness is not about focusing on nothingness. It’s about creating a clearing. It’s opening up an emotionally clutter-free space and allowing ourselves to feel and think and dream and question. – Brene Brown

A friend texted this quote several days ago. It was like a breath of fresh air and “Oh, okay” at the same time. Life has slowed down tremendously this past year and I’m thankful for it. I’ve recently gotten to a point of thinking, “Ok God. Let’s ramp this up a little.” And He said, “No. Let’s downshift a little. Just wait. Be available” Again. Not so reluctantly this time, “Ok.” The stillness is purposeful. There is a rebuilding happening from the inside out and I’m thankful for the clearing; for time and a place for that to happen. Here’s to enjoying it and relearning what making the most of opportunities means while waiting.

I’m working from home now, which is going really well. While I work everyday from the office space or couch in sweatpants and a top-knot (glory), I have plenty of time to cook – something I’ve always really loved, but didn’t make time for consistently. After doing a cleanse the first week of January, I decided to go (basically) gluten free, limit refined sugar (a lot) and be very intentional about putting nutritious foods back in my body. It was a pretty drastic alteration, but I wouldn’t go back. I feel great (and terrible after eating a cupcake last weekend) and have had an added bonus of losing a little weight.

So without further adieu, I thought I’d take the next few posts and share a few recent favorite meals and tips on how to make it easier. See below for my FAVORITE smoothie and easy on-the-go snack options. I make a spinach smoothie every morning. I promise, you really can’t taste it. Every smoothie has ground flax seed, spinach and almond milk. The rest consist of what ever I’m hankering that day. After many different combinations, this is a standout fav.

1 tbsp ground flax seed

1 splash of cold coffee (or just not hot)

3 ice cubes

½ cup (ish) of frozen mango (optional)

1 sliced banana (frozen if you don’t use mango)

1 tsp almond butter

drizzle of honey

handful of spinach

¾ cup (ish) dark chocolate almond milk

Enjoy!

Traveling can make healthy eating a bit of a challenge, so it’s important to plan ahead and for the love, just don’t buy the gas station Pringles!

These are recent road trip snacks on a drive to Atlanta. My former tradition was to stop at Sonic 🙂

Retrain your brain! All fruit is fast food. Adding protein will keep you full so bring a little peanut butter or string cheese along.

If you forget, there are healthier options at the airport or gas stations. I usually go for packaged almonds or pecans.

What are you favorite healthy snacks?

What types of recipes would you like to see or try?

If 2015 taught me anything it’s this: the road to freedom is through the desert.

This season represents a really significant time in my life last year. Memories are vivid, dates are significant and a lot has settled since. But before the settling my world was up ended, flipped around, blown up…whatever you want to call it. These days of 2015 were walked so carefully; not one step taken without asking God for direction; not a word spoken without asking God, “do I have to?”. I had never walked so closely and depended on God for every move in every moment so much. He’d asked me to lay down the responsibility I had been carrying and given me a very vivid picture of putting my staff in the water, crossing to the other side. I walked those hard but holy days thinking He was leading me to the promised land on the other side. I had experienced crazy spiritual warfare, anxiety and panic attacks that were hard to articulate and I thought finally there was relief on the other side.

That however, was a practice round. What came next was the desert season. So long that I didn’t think it would end – spiritual warfare to the point I hope I never know again. I literally felt the presence of evil around me and would sit straight up in bed at night…not even knowing what about God was real or not and all I could do was say the Name of Jesus out loud over and over. There were dreams that I will spare you from and a span of a few weeks where I kept seeing snakes. I know it sounds crazy, but the 6^th or 7^th one I saw was a king snake. I was sitting on the curb outside my office (while on the phone with my counselor, of course) and there it was – head reared back, tongue out. The biggest snake I’d ever seen – 8 feet from me. That was some crazy -ish and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

But you know what, I think it had to be that way. I have struggled more recently with shame. I got to a place I didn’t think I, as a Christian, could get to. I wanted God to just leave me alone because it felt like He was ruining my life. I left the people I loved and respected the most, a job I cared about deeply, a house & neighborhood I loved. A lot of the aftermath was my own doing, but mostly I think just a road that had to be walked the hard way. I’m stubborn and hard headed. I need examples and God has made my life one. It is a miracle; a miracle that I’m 6’ above ground, that I do believe God is who He says He is because He didn’t let me go.

John 15 talks about the vine and the branches. Jesus says, “apart from me you can do nothing.” No thing. Not one. That’s the example. I got there and I now know this to be true.

Exodus 13:17 – 18 says, “When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, ‘If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.’ So God let the people around by the desert road towards the Red Sea.”

It’s funny how God works. The Israelites were led by the desert, through the Red Sea and then into another desert, the Desert of Shur on the other side (Exodus 15:22). The word “shur” means “wall”. There was a wall built by Egyptians to keep intruders from the northern desert out. Fascinating that the enemy the Israelites had been delivered from still caused them to stumble in a land named by their dead enemies. How often is that us!? After a short reprieve, the Lord led them into the Desert of Sin (Exodus 16). The Application Study Bible says, “The Desert of Sin was a vast hostile environment of sand and stone. It’s barren surroundings provided the perfect place for God to test and shape the character of His people.” This is where we learn about manna and the Lord provided for His people, day by day. Again, after a while (Exodus 19), they were led into the Desert of Sinai. Then years and years worth of laws given, the Ark of the Covenant, sacrifices, offerings and moving from place to place. Then, WOMP. Moses dies and doesn’t even get to lead the Israelites to Canaan. Finally Joshua, after standing in the flood-ravaged edge of the Jordan River, leads the people across the once again parted waters to the Promised Land.

God always comes through on His promises, even if the road is longer and more treacherous than expected. You can’t be freed if you don’t know you’re bound.  The dark night of my soul was about revealing bondage and sin I didn’t know was there. And one by one, the chains were loosed as the manna was given. The freedom that was already there has been found on a long path through the desert. What a Redeemer.

He is the anchor.

I’ve been quieter than normal lately. I use to write almost every day. Writing is a rarity right now. My life has slowed down immensely. And with the slowing down comes the ability to feel pain more deeply. Realizing I’m at risk of “over sharing”, I’m excluding a lot, but writing any way. Normally I’d wait till there’s a pretty bow tied on top and the ending is clear or that God has sealed the season with something very specific and maybe others would be encouraged with it. But now, I share in the midst of my own freshly broken, messy heart. Because maybe someone needs to know that God isn’t gonna let them go either.

About 7 months ago I remember praying very specifically – God what ever it takes. I just want you. I’m not afraid. I want to see You and be used by You. 4 months prior to that, I told God that I couldn’t handle what He was showing me….like I knew better than Him. Come on. But I asked Him to hold off. And after a few months rolled by and God had strengthened my heart, I prayed, “whatever it takes, God.” What my plan did not entail was that “what ever it takes” might mean me breaking.

If chapters of our lives have titles, May and June 2015 could be called “The Freak Out Months”. What am I supposed to DO? My mind knew that everything was wrong. Spiritually, everything was off. How am I supposed to fix this!? I felt darkness so close to me. I felt dirty and my heart felt cold. I could (and did) think about God all day but could not talk to Him and certainly not hear from Him. I could acknowledge Him but almost be too afraid to want Him. The thoughts that ran through my mind are scarier to me now that they were then. Things like, “maybe I’ve gotten to do and see and be a part of all there is”, “maybe God is finished with me”, “maybe I will get in a freak accident and die because He’s done with me.” In the state of mind I was in, I really believed these things could be true. Lies. They’re lies from the enemy. But still, I was perplexed. In our Christian culture, we often refer to people going from death to life, darkness to light, old to new – always in the context of before following Jesus/being a Christian (death, darkness, old, non-Christian) to after following Jesus (life, light, new). These are true and right and in scripture. So how could my current reality be so?

Recently a friend said to me, “You are in a better place than you realize. You are feeling your need for a Savior.” We talked about the human condition to cover our issues and keep up with appearances. Pride. I think pride is more blinding than the enemy. The pride is mine. The deception is from the enemy. I was unable to see my sin and brokenness and I believe my unintentional pride was the reason. I wasn’t purposely prideful or willfully blind. That’s why pride is so dangerous. You can’t even see it sometimes. And I think that’s a lot of why the last 4 months have transpired the way they have. God allowed me to break. To get to my lowest. So I could see that even me, this girl who’d grown up in church since she was a few weeks old, who went to every VBS and summer camp and then led them all, who led worship at FCA and took high school girls on retreats during college, who worked for a ministry and a church with unparalleled impact, who’d seen God move in ways she never even knew to dream of. Even that girl had the deepest need, practically and daily, for a Savior.

So be encouraged today. I don’t have a pretty bow and God is still working out a lot in me through this season, but I have Jesus. And you do too. And today, that’s enough. And tomorrow it will be too. Savior, be near.

He is the anchor.

I’ve been doing some thinking. Cause that’s what you do when you quit your job, turn from life as you know it, move to another state, get a new job & begin to try & figure out how to build a new life. (In all honestly, God told me to quit my job, made me leave life as I know it, gave me a new job 3 days after I quit the other one & the new place found me. I actually feel as if I had very little to do with the last 3 months. But that’s another post for another day.)

So in all my deep pondering, God has been ripping down a lot of what I made and rebuilding. Also another post for another day. But in the rebuilding, He’s reintroducing me to Jesus – to His character, to His nature and to the simple ways He lived His life on earth.

I read a tweet that in a nutshell said “I want masses of believers to live extraordinary lives.” My first thought was that I don’t want my life to produce that. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing inherently wrong with the statement. But if our (my) motive is for extraordinary, then I think we (I’ve) got it wrong…& I don’t really want any part of that. I doubt Paul was sitting in his jail cell – a prisoner in chains – thinking, “I’m living an extraordinary life and my name is going to end up in the #1 selling book and millions of people are going to be talking about me in thousands of years. Man, I’ve really made my mark.” No, he was just following Jesus. His eyes were set and his mind was fixed on the person of Jesus, not the size of his mark.

And Jesus said, “come, follow me and I will make you fisher’s of men.” *Note to self – He said fisher of men, not “make fatter fish”.

He said, “I am the vine and you are the branches. If you remain in me, you will bear much fruit.” *Note to self – He said I will bear fruit, not just the thing I’m a part of will bear much fruit.

He said, “Go and make disciples.” *Note to self – He didn’t say, “go and change the world.”

So, while God has ripped a bunch of stuff down and out of my heart, I’m relearning Jesus. And Jesus…He loved his friends. He made them breakfast. He told them the truth. He helped the people He came across who needed help. He didn’t have a marketing campaign or sales agenda. His campaign was unconditional love and His agenda, infallible truth. He was straightforward and uncomplicated. He made time for people…all that while humbly knowing He was the one who actually would change the world.

So yeah, let’s be extraordinary. Let’s change the world. But you don’t get extraordinary without ordinary first. And you don’t change the world without breakfast.

So, let’s have breakfast…in Tennessee.

He is the Anchor.

At the beginning of the year, the word “follow” was constantly at the top of my mind. The concept of what it means to really follow Jesus. He leads; we follow – both in principle and in practice. I began to pray with a sense of urgency that I would follow Jesus, in every decision, step by step, down the path He’s already commanded.

I think it’s easy to get caught up in our own great ideas and ask God to bless them. We’re smart people with good ideas. Sometimes we get it backwards though – We lead and ask Him to follow. We all have ideas that aren’t His ideas. God began to really bend my heart towards not just asking him to bless what I wanted Him to bless, but simply ask to follow His lead in every step.

If you’re anything like me, you kind of have a thought in mind of what the next step might be…and, like me, sometimes you’re wrong. Sometimes, God plans a turn in your path that you didn’t see coming, at least not in the timing He brought it.

When that turn comes you can keep walking down the path, taking the step that you thought made sense, asking Him to bless it. Or you can follow Him into the turn of the unknown.

Today marks 4 1/2 weeks since my last day on staff at Passion. This was a turn in the path. A day I had never actually thought about until it came. Leaving Passion is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It’s far too complex for words and a process that could only be experienced day by day with just a few people. It was gut wrenching, yes, but there was a thread of peace through it all. God was leading me, albeit away from a thing and a place and people that I love more deeply than I can begin to articulate here. That is painful…what I’ve come to know as painful obedience. I never ever want to know the pain of disobedience.

God will continue to teach me things from the last 8 weeks, probably for the rest of my life, but one thing I’ve learned for sure is that when God is the one who creates a gap, He fills the gap. He fills the gap. He fills it in a way we never could have or would have on our own.

You know, God speaks to people in many different ways. One thing He clearly said to me was to put my staff in the water & only then would He part the waters. True to His character, He’s done that. He’s still doing that. And He’ll keep doing it. He’s filling what He parted in every way. I’m watching Him create opportunities and fill gaps at Passion City that wouldn’t have been there had I not put down what He asked me to lay down. And one day I’ll fill a book with how He’s filled the gap for me. I’m daily astonished at His timing and how He’s made Himself so clearly known. There’s significance in moments and days like I have never known. He is faithful. He is moving. He is clear. He’s blowing my mind. And in the unknown, there is a divine certainty.

I am thankful. And still learning to follow. Lead us on.

I run in the path of Your commands for You have broadened my understanding. Psalm 119:32

He is the Wind.

Every year seems to move faster than the one before. More. Faster. Better. Accomplish. Attain. Do. Create. Come through.

We get caught in this cycle of making this year better than the one before, but better isn’t always more. Lots of times, better can be less. I’m not one for making New Year’s resolutions, but I’ve got one this year. It’s to simply slow down. Breathe. Be. Become.

This is a little bit lame, but I just took this picture in my living room while moving the camera really fast. You get the gist. There’s a Christmas tree, fire place, a rug and maybe you can tell there are flowers on the coffee table.

The truth is, there’s a lot more in this picture that you can’t see than you can, because it was taken more quickly than it should have been. The flowers are half dead. The fireplace doesn’t work. There’s a tiny glass bottle on the mantle filled with sand from Manly Beach in Sydney. There’s a vase on the floor filled with little pinecones from Grand Teton National Park. The rug is flipped up on one side because I overwatered a plant today that leaked all over it. There’s a perfect wooden angel on the mantle that my mom gave me. The ornaments have been taken off the tree, but it’s still there because its too heavy for me to take upstairs. There is a strand of lights out on the tree. The room is really clean because I spent the afternoon cleaning and it smells so good – like oranges and a lavender candle. Yum!

Saying goodbye to 2014 was not hard. It was a weird year; a year I couldn’t live without (who can skip a year!?) and one I don’t want to live again, but I learned a whole lot. One of those things is this: the faster you move, the less clearly you see. So slow down. See the whole picture. Hear and see God move and speak in all the ways He moves and speaks. There is a depth to who He is that we cheapen by looking so fast we don’t see all He had for us to see.

So, here’s to clear sight, 2015. Here’s to seeing people. All of them. Here’s to family. Here’s to Thy Kingdom come. And here’s to the full measure of the promises of God for all of us.

Happy New Year.

He is the Wind.

I love these plants, even though this one is a little bit ugly right now. It’s ugly because it had to be.

My mom had one in my room growing up so now, I have one in my room. They are low maintenance and (BONUS!) clean the air.

There are also 2 of these on the front porch. The plants grow full and then cascade over the side & turn into a vine. It’s actually kind of fascinating to observe through the seasons. A little piece will make is way out of the pot, down the side, through the mulch and across the concrete. The vine begins attaching itself to what ever it touches, growing sprawling roots every inch or so. It’s weird how they’ll attach to concrete – a place where nothing is supposed to grow.

Living things grow. They always find a way to grow.

Then, along comes winter and the front porch plants have to become living room plants. They can endure a lot – low light, lots of light, little water, grow in water, really hot temps, and almost freezing temps. All these things affect the color of the leaves and how they grow, but nonetheless, they grow.

Coming in for winter means ripping the vines from places that I, as the plant owner, never intended for them to grow. They grew, but not the most healthy way. I let them grow. I kept watering them. The vines grew farther this year than last year or the year before that. But winter is coming and if those vines aren’t ripped from the places they’re growing, the whole thing will die. It’s time to come in for winter. Come into the shelter. Come into warmth. Come sit by the fireplace for a while and just sit pretty. Spring will come right on time, the growing, porch-sitting weather will return and because the roots were yanked up before winter, they’ll grow again, even longer than before.

What do you need to rip up so you can grow healthily?

He is the Wind.

Do you ever have seasons in life where you feel like God gives you a word to place over the season you’re in? I don’t mean a word like, “Good word, pastor.” I mean a word like a word; one that’s definitive. Sometimes the word makes so much sense it’s a little weird. Sometimes, it doesn’t make any sense at all in the context of current circumstances.

Well, I do.

Early October last year, I got a new word. HOPE.

The season was fall. Autumn. The transition from summer to winter. Night comes noticeably, and sometimes frustratingly, earlier. The weather cools and the scenery, while beautiful, is actually dying from its previous season of life.

For me, last fall was the beginning of a new season, and not a pretty one. Earlier nights. More darkness. Painful, consistent stripping away. So why this word “HOPE”? I don’t know, but I began to cling to it. I bought a necklace with the word imprinted on it and wore it literally every day as a reminder. I began to speak that word into other people’s lives. I’d search scripture and read every verse I could find pertaining to HOPE. What stuck out the most to me was Romans 5:3-5 – Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, HOPE. And hope does not disappoint us…

I was encouraging (or trying to) a friend with this idea that one leads to the next – suffering > perseverance > character > HOPE. And HOPE DOES NOT DISAPPOINT. Come on! In the end, you get hope, and hope doesn’t disappoint. It’s in the Bible, for crying out loud! Her response was, “Yes, and hope deferred makes the heart sick”. Ouch…because that’s in the Bible too…

Leaves grow to specific shapes and patterns and then stop, simply because they are finished growing. You won’t see an oak shaped leaf on a dogwood tree or an elm shaped leaf on a maple tree. Oak leaves are on oak trees every single time. It’s called determinate growth. (<– Encyclopedia Britannica, #nerd) They grow to a specific shape and then stop. That leaf is finished growing. The seasons that you and I walk through are like that. They all have a finishing point. Determinate growth. Decided. Determined. Fixed.

The root of the tree however, has non-determinate growth. They just keep growing. Deeper and longer and stronger.

When a leaf sheds, it leaves what’s called a leaf scar on the twig it fell from. While the leaf is gone, it’s imprint never leaves. The evidence of it’s being is always there. Some articles I read online even said that as a tree continues to grow, the new branches will only grow where the leaf scars are… I mean, really!? The purpose of a leaf is simple. It’s to produce food for the plant so that the plant can continue on to grow into all the fullness God created it to be. After it’s purpose is fulfilled, it falls away. The same with us. The season will end, but it’s imprint on us will never leave. One season prepares us for the next. Glory to glory. So when you feel like you’re the leaf falling to the ground, cling tight to your Father, because I promise, He will not let you go.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick…” Yes, that’s right there in the 13^th chapter of Proverbs, but you know what the rest of the verse says? “but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” The New Living Translation says, “a dream fulfilled is a tree of life”. May He give dreams that lead to hope and hope that leads to greater dreams!

The context of those verses in Romans is beautiful too. Romans 5:1-5 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the HOPE of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, HOPE. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.

Hope is not for hope’s sake. As we sink our roots deep into the glory of God, we cannot help but HOPE because He has poured out His love into our hearts. It’s all about and for HIM. He is what we hope in, for and because of.

Do not let this leave you – But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; for His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, “the Lord is my portion; therefore I will HOPE in Him.” (Lamentations 3:21-24 ESV)

He is the Anchor.

May we love to the degree we’ve been loved.

May we forgive to the degree we’ve been forgiven.

May we fight to the degree we’ve been fought & won for.

May we bring reconciliation to the degree we’ve been reconciled through Christ.

May we walk in a manner worthy of the calling we’ve received, even on the paths no one sees.

May we sing to the degree we’ve been rejoiced over.

May we serve to the degree we’ve been served.

May we shine light that reflects the Light Bearer.

May we know to the degree we are known. Fully.

May we be filled to overflowing and not busy to overwhelmed.

May we seek to the degree we’ve been sought.

May we be brave. Knowing the war has been won.

May our hopes, desires and dreams be His hopes, desires and dreams.

& may we be steady.                               Walking so closely with our Father that our steps look j u s t  l i k e  H i s.

He is the Anchor.