If 2015 taught me anything it’s this: the road to freedom is through the desert.

This season represents a really significant time in my life last year. Memories are vivid, dates are significant and a lot has settled since. But before the settling my world was up ended, flipped around, blown up…whatever you want to call it. These days of 2015 were walked so carefully; not one step taken without asking God for direction; not a word spoken without asking God, “do I have to?”. I had never walked so closely and depended on God for every move in every moment so much. He’d asked me to lay down the responsibility I had been carrying and given me a very vivid picture of putting my staff in the water, crossing to the other side. I walked those hard but holy days thinking He was leading me to the promised land on the other side. I had experienced crazy spiritual warfare, anxiety and panic attacks that were hard to articulate and I thought finally there was relief on the other side.

That however, was a practice round. What came next was the desert season. So long that I didn’t think it would end – spiritual warfare to the point I hope I never know again. I literally felt the presence of evil around me and would sit straight up in bed at night…not even knowing what about God was real or not and all I could do was say the Name of Jesus out loud over and over. There were dreams that I will spare you from and a span of a few weeks where I kept seeing snakes. I know it sounds crazy, but the 6^th or 7^th one I saw was a king snake. I was sitting on the curb outside my office (while on the phone with my counselor, of course) and there it was – head reared back, tongue out. The biggest snake I’d ever seen – 8 feet from me. That was some crazy -ish and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

But you know what, I think it had to be that way. I have struggled more recently with shame. I got to a place I didn’t think I, as a Christian, could get to. I wanted God to just leave me alone because it felt like He was ruining my life. I left the people I loved and respected the most, a job I cared about deeply, a house & neighborhood I loved. A lot of the aftermath was my own doing, but mostly I think just a road that had to be walked the hard way. I’m stubborn and hard headed. I need examples and God has made my life one. It is a miracle; a miracle that I’m 6’ above ground, that I do believe God is who He says He is because He didn’t let me go.

John 15 talks about the vine and the branches. Jesus says, “apart from me you can do nothing.” No thing. Not one. That’s the example. I got there and I now know this to be true.

Exodus 13:17 – 18 says, “When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, ‘If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.’ So God let the people around by the desert road towards the Red Sea.”

It’s funny how God works. The Israelites were led by the desert, through the Red Sea and then into another desert, the Desert of Shur on the other side (Exodus 15:22). The word “shur” means “wall”. There was a wall built by Egyptians to keep intruders from the northern desert out. Fascinating that the enemy the Israelites had been delivered from still caused them to stumble in a land named by their dead enemies. How often is that us!? After a short reprieve, the Lord led them into the Desert of Sin (Exodus 16). The Application Study Bible says, “The Desert of Sin was a vast hostile environment of sand and stone. It’s barren surroundings provided the perfect place for God to test and shape the character of His people.” This is where we learn about manna and the Lord provided for His people, day by day. Again, after a while (Exodus 19), they were led into the Desert of Sinai. Then years and years worth of laws given, the Ark of the Covenant, sacrifices, offerings and moving from place to place. Then, WOMP. Moses dies and doesn’t even get to lead the Israelites to Canaan. Finally Joshua, after standing in the flood-ravaged edge of the Jordan River, leads the people across the once again parted waters to the Promised Land.

God always comes through on His promises, even if the road is longer and more treacherous than expected. You can’t be freed if you don’t know you’re bound.  The dark night of my soul was about revealing bondage and sin I didn’t know was there. And one by one, the chains were loosed as the manna was given. The freedom that was already there has been found on a long path through the desert. What a Redeemer.

He is the anchor.